The Dress

  I have made steps into returning to as much of a standard way of living as before the incident. I am no longer in my bedchamber as much as I used to be but I have yet to venture into the village. I still wish for only the furthest amount of contact with other people of Nottingham. I have gone out and walked the manor grounds caring for the evergreen plants and smaller animals. Guy seemed to have thought that I have a familiar or two. As if I am a witch.  Unreasonable of him. All because I am kind to animals and treat them with respect, while they bring me some comfort and companionship, unlike Guy. Yes I am still hurting from what had passed at Angel's Mass by Guy's hands, but now I am also filled with anger towards him as well and not just because of the event.

   I was hoping for Guy to return home and talk about the event but in stead, Guy now has the thought that he can tempt me or buy me into forgiving him for Christmas with a newly made dress. Or maybe he thinks he has to buy my love. What I do know is that it in stead of bringing the dress himself, Guy had the dress sent by messenger and that bought about more anger instead. After everthing that has happened, I still love him.

 

Aftermath

  The ring? The ring...the ring...the ring. And how is Sir Guy? These questions had been asked of me on a daily basis by others and in a less than friendly tone. So in response I have taken to bed. In all honesty, I have mainly taken to bed for the loss of Sir Guy. At lest the loss of MY Sir Guy not the one who destroyed Angel's Mass. Not many seem to understand that I would rather have Sir Guy back as Sir Guy than his ring. Well, yes, his ring is nice and was given with some love and I did treasure it, but I would rather have my Sir Guy.

  So my bed has become my great refuge. I can rid the world and get some peacefulness by drawing the doors, windows and tapestry close. Here I do not have to endure the sidelong glances and snickers from the gossiping  hags that have never known love or the pain that it can bring. 

   Some servants have, either out of courage or lacking of ability to understand, have knocked upon my chamber's door to inquire food or drink. Do they not understand that I want to be left alone and to mourn!

  Now granted it has been only within the last few days that I have been tempted to partake in food and drink for I hear a tray being left at my door a few times a day. But that would mean leaving my sanctuary and I really do not feel like moving. For without my Guy why bother? I know it is wrong to feel this way but I do not care.

Nottingham's Angel's Mass

  Ever since my childhood Angel' s Mass at midnight on Christmas morning has always been a favorite of mine. It has  always brought peace and comfort to me.

  This Angels Mass was my first in Nottingham and in a way with Sir Guy. I say in a way because the circumstances were unexpected and tragic.

  After fasting all day, for that is the custom, I went to St. Mary's church for The Angel' s Mass. It felt beautifully calm and peaceful especially when the traits chanting Mass.

  Then in the middle of Mass I heard,and I suppose everyone heard, a familiar sound... the heavy ,booted footsteps with Arab prick spurs, that were gotten in the Crusade, of Sir Guy of Gisborne. With my heart in my throat mist of tears in my eye I knew what it meant. It meant that Sir Guy was coming to spend Christmas the only way that he could with me in plain sight yet in secret. Even after what took place my heart speeds up at the memory of how I felt at the time when I thought Sir Guy was coming to spend Christmas with me.

Arab prick spur

  What did happen? It is a sorrowful tale that has left me embarrassed, ashamed and hurt. It is the reason as to why it has taken me a long time to write about. Yes it was my beloved Sir Guy and I was ready to leap into his arms at the first sight of him. I would have had I not had the sudden clarity of the situation and the people we were among. But Guy was not alone. Not alone at all. For he and the other Black Knights had accompanied the Sheriff to St. Mary's and not for contrition but to pillage the church and worshipers of what little finery they had. We had. Yes, I was robbed as well... and by my beloved.

  I was standing in the back of the church trying to blend into shadows of the church with some others that were also frightened, hoping that we would not be heard or seen. Alas, it was not meant to be. Two of the Black Knights found us and started to viciously beat and rob some of those that were close to me. Never have I ever felt helpless, especially when one of the Black Knights came to me yelling and raising his hand to me. It is when I am on the ground and having my dress torn as he is all but trying to cut my finger off that held Guy's ring that I must have screamed for the next thing I remember is a black glove going around my assailant's throat and his eyes bulging and his being thrown across the church. Sir Guy was snarling and breathing hard after my assailant as if he was wanted to spill the assailant's blood all though St. Mary's. I was gathering myself together, ready to go to Sir Guy and not caring about the consequences, when Vaisey yelled at Sir Guy to get back to robbing the worshipers, starting with me and if Guy did not do as he was ordered Vaisey would rob me himself. The thought of the sheriff anywhere near me terrified me because he could always take me prisoner, throw me in the dungeon and sell me to the highest bidder, if he did not execute me for fun first.

  Guy was looking at me with a smirk on his mouth and sadness in his eyes and we both knew what had to be done. So I helped Guy rob me. I robbed myself. So without an option, Guy put his gloved hand on my left wrist and roughly took his ring off my finger. I wanted to kiss my ring one last time but he would not let that happen. Guy looked at me with an unreadable look on his face.

 

  That is when something broke in me. It was my heart. I died or at least a part of me died at Angel's Mass. The look that Guy had I do not think I will ever be over that. It will haunt me for eternity. 

  Excuse me I was lost in thought. Anyway, I had fallen to my knees and covered my face and savagely wept. With the sheriff looking on in evil glee, Guy and the Black Knights finished robbing the church and worshipers, with some beatings thrown in for good measure, and left. We were left there in sobbing heaps everywhere when a kindly looking friar, who seemed to have been beaten worse than any of the other friars, began play 'Novo Profusio Gaudio'.  We tried to sing or feel reverence but our hearts were not in it after what had happened. Dieu nous pardonne. God forgive us.

Nottingham Holidays

  Just a short note to let it be known that I will be doing an entry on the holidays in Nottingham as soon as I have recovered enough from them. My holidays here in Nottingham were stressful, especially the Angel's Mass (Midnight Mass). The events that took place at Mass has left me hurt and disappointed. So I will need a few more days of recovery. Please be patient with me.

Lady M